I was just talking with someone about what it was like to grow up with Angry male role models.
For an empath like me, it was very difficult.
This probably has a lot to do with me falling for my ex-husband. He was the first man to show me that Father’s could be kind. Not just sometimes, but KIND…all the time. I literally had no idea. My favorite example is this one particular day, it was an important learning day for me near the beginning of our relationship.
On this day we were in the garage at this house with a new car. It was the first time pulling in and it was a tight fit because it was a small garage. It was my ex’s first new car in 15 years. His old car was a BMW that basically wheezed every time you turned it on and wished it could just die already.
So we unloading from some serious grocery shopping, and were standing at the back of the car at the open trunk while unloading said groceries and his daughter, like always, did her job and pressed the button at the other end of the garage to lower the garage door.
My ex leans over and yells “press it again press it again….” but it was too late, the garage door came down right on the trunk and gashed his brand new purchase. I made it to the button and pressed it again to raise the heavy door–but the damage was done.
We immediately noticed that his daughter was crying and he dropped the groceries and ran over to her and started examining her and asking, “What’s wrong? Where are you hurt?” And she said, through tears and sobs, “I hurt the car.”
He sat back on his haunches and hugged her and pulled her away, and said, “It’s just a car. Please don’t scare me like that. It’s just a car.”
It was then I realized I was holding my breath, and that every muscle in my body was ready to get yelled at and perhaps hit. He patted her on the but and said, “Get upstairs silly, the car will be fine.”
I could have passed out.
I knew right then I would marry him.
He walked back to the trunk, ran his finger across the gash in his no-longer-store-bought new baby, and shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t notice I was white as a sheet. And I never mentioned it. It took me a few hours to process that a father could just see a mistake as a mistake and not blame anyone. And over the years, as our relationship dwindled down to a friendship…I never ever forgot that gift.
Because my fathers were two different types of storms while I was growing up. (I’m happy to report they are both very different men now.)
My biological father was like a bad storm in Colorado. It was deep, and mean, and cold…but you knew it was coming and the sun was still out. The weather would drop and the forecast was clear, you knew it was coming. But it didn’t invade your soul, it just stung your cheeks, and your bum when you landed in it while skiing.
Now my step-father was more like a particularly bad winter on an Island in the Pacific North West. It was wet, and cold, and windy and it got into your pores and your skin and you couldn’t warm up from it without significant effort…and just when you thought you were warm, you would get smacked with the system all over again. It was like walking on a tight-rope with no net, in high winds.
I bring this up, because I have other people in my life that feel like being on a tropical island. And folks that feel like a perfect fall day in Vermont. And I notice, as I sit here with my Jasmine tea this morning that I can quite easily put everyone I know into some type of weather pattern…and that I actually have a very beautiful little diagram happening.
Have you ever thought about emotions that way?
I know, for instance, when I get low…I’m exactly like a gray rainy day. Maybe for some parts of the experience it gets windy, maybe a little hail….and then back to more rain. On the other hand, when I’m having a good day, it’s like the perfect 75 degrees and sunny with a light breeze and no clouds.
And then I wonder if it isn’t our emotionality that’s affecting weather patterns? And not the other way around… (Yes, I think I’m a wizard, what of it?)
So my next leap is…It’s important to have those rainy days every now and again, because it’s good for the earth. And it’s good to have those windy days because it blows away the dust and pollen. And it’s great to have those sunny days because we freaking love the giddy happiness of summer, obviously.
What are your emotional climate zones? And how can you ensure yours are feeding the planet…and by extension, yourself? And, when we recognize our weather patterns, if we don’t like them…can we just pick up and move to some zone we like better? I realize this would take an immense amount of visualization…but…isn’t the Earth worth it?
Just some sunny 72 degree thoughts for you this absolutely beautiful day.