I said God twice.
Good, you’re still here. Funny thing, I’ve been meaning to write this blog all week after my dear friend Jess Fish told me about unGoding God, but I was taking my sweet little dog Max out for a walk and in a weird sequence of events ran my hand into the stingy stinger of a bee, which stung my index finger and then swelled my hand, and sent flaming itches up my arm.
Then, the next day, I’m walking Max who often poops more then I have bags for…and he did, so I reached down absent mindedly for a leaf to discretely move said poop from the foot trail and grabbed none other then a nettle leaf which stung the shit out of my middle finger, same hand.
Bad luck? Or divine interruption from this big topic of which I have alluded?
I won’t take you through all the potential meanings of said stings, because no one needs to know exactly how neurotic I actually am, but suffice it to say, I had every potential base covered.
And here I am, it’s Friday night and I have the whole house to myself and the fleet foxes are pumping and the animals are all fed and I find that my finger has finally, 5 days later, healed enough to let me type.
When you think about God….what do you think about? I know I know….now you call it spirit, and onesness, and Om, and the light, and the universe and all that shit, but I bet, even for a tiny little microsecond, you saw an old white dude with robes and a beard. Just for a second, am I right?
I’m Jewish and I even do it. Blame George Burns. Blame every movie ever that alluded to God. Blame whoever you want…but it has taken me many years to find a relationship with the “great father” of us all that is mine. It belongs to no one but me.
And I have spent years in this cultivation being a supplicant. And being a teenage bitch. A being depressed and morose. I have screamed and cussed and accused and made very angry promises about what I would do to “god” when I got back up “there.” And I have also learned how to be open and attuned and full of grace. And that open and attuned part still comes and goes, I promise you.
But it took years to rid myself of the feeling of good and bad. Of being constantly judged. Of feeling like I was doing wrong and getting no where. It took years to form a partnership, that’s how my relationship looks with Spirit.
I would say we are born with it, this duality of good and bad. But it can’t be true. There has to be some city or valley or pod somewhere that doesn’t feel that way. That they grow up on their own path knowing about light and flow and wanting to be a part of it.
And I don’t think I’m trying to answer anything specific in this post…and truthfully, the fire in it disappeared a few days after I couldn’t type it…but here I am and it’s Friday night and I just started typing, so something wants to be said.
And this is it, when you start cultivating a relationship with the divine that supports you and makes it so you never feel alone…then you are onto something. But if you still feel like no one is listening, or that you are bad, or you did that wrong…then I urge you to sit and dream bigger than that.
You know those moments when you turn a corner and the sky is just that color blue that you love, and the trees are blowing in the wind, and the air smells like fresh bread and love? That’s god. You know when you are taking a shower and out of know where the perfect solution hits you to a problem you are having? That’s god. You know when life just feels so full and perfect your heart might explode? That’s god. You know when you’re making love to your partner and look into each others eyes and connect in the deepest most profound way? That’s god. You know Pizza…when it’s hot and perfect in every way…well, that’s the restaurant…but I bet god had something to do with it.
God is everywhere all the time. Spirit is in your corner and wants only the best for you. And whatever relationship you create with the Divine will only grow deeper and deeper over time.
And when you can let go of good and bad, of heaven and hell, of the white bearded man judging you…the freedom of your spirit will soar to heights you cannot imagine.
So check in and see where in your mind and thoughts you need to unwind Hollywood’s idea of God…Church’s idea of God…your parents idea of God…and dig in deep and find your thoughts on God.
Then God will be un-godded….and sunsets will take on a whole new meaning!