What exactly is a Soul Mate?

That is a f@4k of a lot of expectation to put on someone, that’s what it is.

And it seems we are all looking for ours now.

And the last time I checked there was really NO way to know for certain if this person was sent here by the spirits above to be your one and only mate for all of time.

And yet that’s what we keep waiting for.  This “soulmate” that someone like Tom Cruise so infamously said “completes us.”

Does this sound like a load of horse shit created by someone who can sell a lot of stuff by people buying into it to anyone else?

And mind you.  I’m in a really beautiful relationship…have been in many wonderful relationships in my life…but if I had to hold out hope that this one is my soul-mate…I just feel like I would be putting a question out there that can’t be answered and be totally disappointed at every turn.

Not to mention, does that mean I made mistakes all along the way with my choices?

OH, you can’t read my mind, you must not be my soul-mate.

Oh, we actually disagree about things, you must not be my soul-mate.

Oh you like to lean your head to the left when we kiss and so do I, you must not be my soul-mate.

I bring this up because someone recently asked me if my partner was my soul-mate, and I just looked at them with this face that I hope read, are you completely out of your mind right now?

I know I write a lot of woo-woo posts, and so you think I would be the first person on board with this soul-mate concept, but I have been living in this human incarnation for 40 years and let me tell you this.  Every person I come in contact with has a lesson to teach me.

Every person I enter into relationship with: Either physical or non-physical, changes me in some way.

And if that isn’t giving me a soul part…then I don’t know what is.  If that isn’t a “soul mate” then who is?

How can there be just one?

I fall in love with 30 people a day.


I see someone doing something beautiful and I’m in love.

Someone can hold with me in a great round of banter and I’m in love!

Someone bakes me something…well, I mean at a store…and I buy it…and I sink into the doughy buttery-ness of it…and let me tell you, I’m in love.

Folks, Goat Butter…Seriously in love.

Trees!  LoVe!

Blooming flowers!!!!  Holy cow am I in Love!

Clearly it’s a different type of love then I share with my intimate friends.  But since I am not moved by all people, I am left to assume that the ones that move me are soul-parts, soul-mates, soul-friends.

Why would I want just one?

Doesn’t that seem at all limiting to you?

I feel better.  I think you agree.

Let me be honest.  There was a period in my life, after my divorce, where I wrote a list of EXACTLY who MY GUY was and put it on my altar.  And there it sat.  And after a date I would open it up and see if they were “my list.”  And you know what?  They weren’t.

Even if they were missing like 2 of the 50 things I would say…but I couldn’t live without someone making me laugh!

Did I give them a chance to make me laugh?  Probably not.

And when I threw my list away and dated for the sake of meeting fellow human beings looking for love…I started finding that perhaps what I thought I wanted wasn’t even true.  And that what I wanted and craved was human connection.  And even the coffee breaks with strangers filled my soul with a fullness that was SO much more then sitting and staring at my list of “who my soul mate is.”

So all this is to say.  I think that hollywood and the Secret and other folks trying to sell you a miracle cure and ageless tonics made out of snake oil…are distracting you from the truth that love is everywhere….and the more chances you take loving others and the more opportunity you give people to love you back…the closer you will find yourself with the romantic love you desire.

So perhaps stop limiting yourself to the idea of just one soulmate…and see what you catch when experiencing life to it’s fullest!  Find love in a glance, in a conversation, in goat butter.

It makes life super shiney!

From one of your soulmates…..sending you oodles and oodles of love….you had me at Hello.



2 thoughts on “What exactly is a Soul Mate?

  1. Have you watched this?

    I love it.

    Reading your entry and watching this made me think a lot about the whole soul mate thing – she talks about how we used to live in these communities where all kinds of people collectively fulfilled us in all kinds of ways. But now we don’t have those kinds of communities anymore ( we don’t? im busting my ass and i feel like im growing up in a pretty f-ing awesome village), and so we expect one person to fill all those roles and that’s just not fair!

    anyways, it’s interesting for me. because, as you know, i was/ am a late bloomer and i am SO PICKY. because i don’t want one person to take over the roles all those people have been doing such a great job filling. i want somebody who is super psyched to be part of that village, who doesn’t need to be my “one,” but understands the truly amazing power of one.

    anyways, good post. i love it that you are blogging and writing. hope to see you soon!

  2. Very interesting thoughts spam-a-lot. I watched that video. And I can say from my relationship I take many of the roles away from M and field them out to others. I know the parts that we do great together and I know the parts that I need more than he can offer…and so instead of getting frustrated I simply fill my needs elsewhere and let us stay grounded in what we do best. Does it always work? Of course not, but it’s all essential on the journey!

    And I can totally agree with the video…in fact before I watched this I was having tea with a friend and mentioning that M just joined a fast pitch baseball team and it really turns me on…because it’s something he’s skilled at and passionate about. It’s funny how someone stepping into their confidence is so attractive!!!!

    And I want so very badly for you to find that one lovely lady. I sure know how much love and goodness you have to offer!

    Hope to see you soon too! Thanks for commenting!

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