Death and Pizza

This blog assumes a few things.

One- that you have seen, heard of or read about the transition from being in an earthly incarnation to suddenly not.

Two-that you can see the humor in the inappropriateness of the mixture of language and shock with a side helping of grief.

My childhood pet died after I had already moved to the West Coast.  One day he was alive and barking on the other end of the phone, and one day they had put him down.  I was sad, but let’s face it, I’m an Aquarian and my grief button doesn’t really get triggered until I see what others people’s emotions are doing.  It’s the strong Alien nature within me.

When I was twelve or so my Mother’s old boyfriend who I loved and cherished drowned.  My mom came into my room one Summer morning before my drama camp and put her arms around me and started crying.  She finally eeked out that Steve had died and if felt inappropriate for me to grieve since my Mom clearly needed someone to be strong.  I was a weirdly empathic child who has turned into an even weirder empathic adult.

When I was in my early twenties my Grandfather, a sweet gentle soul passed after numerous strokes.  My last memory of visiting him is vivid with my grandmother holding his hand and him spinning her wedding ring around her finger.  They were awful together–but underneath it until the end, they were for each other.

My Grandmother followed quickly thereafter and I was on the West Coast with a broken back and unable to fly to the funeral.  I sent a poem which they read aloud at the gathering.  A feeble attempt at being a part of the experience yet still keeping me away from the realness of other peoples immediate grief.

Yes, aunts and uncles died.  Friends of friends.

But somehow I remained unscathed.

I have helped numerous folks cross over, watching as their bodies dissolve into the light and their field is drenched in the warm loveliness of peace.  But that is nothing to grieve about. It’s beautiful beyond belief.

So here we are, in my 40th year that I am both loving and hating in equal amounts.  Loving because it’s freaking amazing and hating because the change required to keep up with all the shifting around me is enough to make a sweet soul like myself go mad.

But this brings us to my sweet cat friend, Chloe.  And her mom, my chosen sister.

chloe 1

I first met Chloe over ten years ago when she left her owner two doors down and started hanging out in Jess’s house.  She was an Orange Tabby and she was spunky and wonderful.  I was the only one she ever tolerated picking her up because I’m so tall and I would walk her around and show her life at 6 feet above.

Every time I went over she was there speaking to me upon arrival and letting me pet and hold her.

A few years ago her health started declining and Jess enlisted the help of a Shaman and pet communicator.  They would talk every three weeks or so and Chloe started teaching all these lessons we never get to hear from our pets.  Like how special she is from Chloe’s eyes.  And her urgings for Jess to open her heart and love others the way she loves Chloe.

Then last Thursday Chloe (through the Shaman) told Jess it was time for her to leave.  That she needed help.  That only Jess could make it fast and painless and that she was ready.

Jess was not ready.

Who is ever really ready to put their companion down?  Their friend?

Now I am Aquarian, and I don’t know what I would do in this situation, my attachment level to people and things is not very strong.  Except I have this one piece of pottery….

But Jess feels.  She feels for the planet and all beings, and this is a very different affair for her, even though she knew it was coming for over a year.

When I arrived on Friday Chloe started meowing at me from the door.  It was this insistant stay right there meow.  I did as instructed with all my crap in my arms and she slowly ambled around chicken wire and through the way overgrown front patch of garden space and stood in the front center.  She looked me in the eyes and gave this strong meow.  It had purpose.  It said, I want to be buried here.  Please inform the others.

“Chloe, are you showing me where you want to be buried,” I asked.

She just looked at me until it was clear that was in fact what she wanted, and then gingerly scampered off.

I informed Jess, and she fell apart.  Let the weekend begin.

I brought dark chocolate and red wine, like any chosen sister would.  We spent time being with Chloe.  We held her.  She didn’t like being carried anymore because of the pain in her hips but she let me.

I had long talks with her.  I told her when she got back up to her cat heaven to find the people heaven and find the royal “ME” and slap me and tell me to send better help.  She looked at me and walked away.

And then it was Monday morning and the Vet was two hours late.  Can you imagine what it’s like when you are doing something so hard for you and the vet doesn’t show up?   Can you imagine the head games you could play…see i’m not supposed to do this!  I should call it off!

But she didn’t.  She held firm and we sat in the front garden where Chloe had planted herself over her soon to be grave, basking in the sun.

When the vet arrived within a little while we got started….and I’m going to skip to the part I want to write about.

Chloe was sick, yes.  But she was alive.  She had life in her eyes.  Her heart was beating and her breathing was difficult so you could really see it in her lungs.  So after the first tranquilizer shot, when we had her laying on the deck in her favorite position, and Jess is losing herself in grief right next to her, and we are all petting her and tears flew like rivers, even from the sweet vet who wasn’t unmoved by the grief and more importantly the love we had for this sweet soul.

And then, when she lost her blink reflex, the euthanasia happened.  And within minutes, Chloe was gone.

And I mean Chloe was gone.  Her body was there, but Chloe was gone.  The life was gone from her eyes.  In seconds, it just left.

And yes, we were crying.  And yes, I was holding Jess and and rocking her and grounding into the Earth and offering strength just like I did for my Mom all those years ago.  And now I am old enough to feel as well as nurture which was nice to notice.

And we stayed that way for some time.

chloe 2

Finally we moved Chloe to the front window, her favorite spot.  Full Southern Sun.  I put flowers around her and she looked so peaceful.  I put my hands on her and felt only my energy.  I said a Hebrew prayer that always seems available to me and then I said some Hindi chants that resonate fully with my soul.

And then the doorbell rang and the Pizza we had ordered because we were famished arrived.  I walked to the door and opened it, still in my altered space and the Pizza guy says,

“That is one happy cat.”

I never thought that you could see through the window.  I never thought someone besides us would see her.  It felt like a private viewing because we were so wrapped up in ourselves.

“She’s dead,” I said.  “I mean, we just killed her.”

stammer stammer

“I mean…it was humane.  Shit.  yes, she is very happy.”

He just stared at me.  And I stared back, willing my mind to have something coherent to say.  But nothing came.

“Thanks,” I said.  Backing up with the Pizza.

And I thought, she does look very happy.

English: Dahlia 'White Star'. Real Jardín Botá...

English: Dahlia ‘White Star’. Real Jardín Botánico de Madrid. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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The Prologue to My New Internet Dating Book: A big ‘Ol teaser!

I’m 40 now.  I have a lot of years of dating in my bones.  And until about four years ago I would have said it was some of the worst memories of my life.

Some people are lucky.  They meet someone in high school who ends up being a perfectly perfect match and boom: married, kids, white picket fence, dog.

whitepicket

Some people aren’t.

I fit somewhere in the middle of that category.

I don’t know if there is Karma involved in the process of finding true love.  I’m not sure it matters.  But I do know there is a longing that has us making stupid mistakes, usually repeatedly.

When I was younger, I hadn’t figured out to lead with my heart yet so I learned to be crafty.  I didn’t wait for that magic moment one full moon to take my soul mate down to the water where we bathed in moonlight lose our virginity.

fullmoon

I decided going to college a virgin was a horrible idea, so I propositioned a friend and got the deed out of the way (over and over again during lunch time) so I wouldn’t have to wait to find out  what it was all about.

Does that make me weird?  Probably.  But I feel like I got to take control of a situation that scared me, and that made it ok.

When I got to college it was overwhelming how many boys there were. I was at a huge buffet and afraid to put anything on my tray in case something better was down the line. I didn’t want to fill up my tray prematurely.

One night, about six months into my first year I went to a concert.  I think it was EMF or the Soup Dragons or something equally one-hit-wonderish…and I see this boy.  He’s almost glowing like an angel.  He’s super tall with long blonde hair and he’s dancing as if no one is watching. I happen to find that super hot.

I feel a plan hatching inside me. I’m dancing behind him when I see him whisper to his buddy that he’s getting some water.  I nonchalantly keep him behind me and head to the water fountain. I make sure to bend over noticeably while drinking and when finished make eyes with him before I walk back into the gym.  I returned to where his friend was.  He whispered to his friend again a little while later and I did the water fountain trick again.  I ended up doing this three times.  On the fourth time, when I turned around and saw him there I stopped and said, “Are you following me?”  

He looked at me like I was crazy.  I know his mind was a little messed up because he clearly was initiating all these water breaks, but I was in front of him each time.
“What?” he stammered, even confused himself.  

”Every time I turn around at this water fountain, you’re behind me.  What the hell?”
 I asked, half flirting half insinuating.

flirt
He just shook his head and stepped forward to get water and I walked back into the gym on the opposite side this time, where he can see me dance when he returns. Now I dance like no ones watching…but I hope someone is.

The show was over and just as I planned, he came over to me while I’m fumbling with my sweater, trying to waste time before I ran out of excuses to leave.

”Hey, do you want to come to a party with me and my friend?  It’s just off campus.” he asked.

”Excuse me?  First you follow me all night, now you want me in your car and I don’t even know your name?” I smiled a little so I didn’t frighten him off.
“It’s Sam.  Do you want to come or not?” he pushed.
“If I can drive your car I’ll come, ” I acquiesce.
“Are you crazy?” he almost yelled at me with this irresistible glint in his eyes. It felt like we had been friends for years with this banter and strange comfort.  “I don’t even know your name and I’m supposed to let you drive my car?  My car that I paid for by myself!”
“Then no deal,” I said. ”You could get totally drunk and then I’m stuck somewhere and have to take the drunk bus back to campus.  No thanks.”
“Jesus, OK, If I get too drunk to drive, you can have the keys, ok?”  

So I agreed.  And he did get too drunk and I drove him back to my room, and we were inseparable for 3 years.
But that just happened.  It was spur of the moment and totally called to me.  There was no premeditation.  No dating.  It just happened.
That unmistakable spark never really came again so I turned to the needs of my body and had lots of meaningless well protected sex with no relationship for years.  I always waited until I just needed human touch, and then I would give in just to feel like part of the human experience again.  I kept wanting a partner, but I never found someone I actually wanted to spend time with.
And then, years later, when I was actually at my lowest, I met the man who would be my first husband.  We worked together.  It was easy.  He was sweet and stable.  I was on the other side of the country away from everything I knew, broke, confused and incredibly naive. He courted me and I allowed it.  But that was ten years of my life.

So when we split (amicably I should add) a few things happened.  It was TEN years later and almost everyone had their own computer.  I also at this point detested bars.  It also seemed that all my friends were married and their friends were all married. So getting fixed up was kinda out of the question.  And for my final trick, I had no luck in the produce department waiting to be picked up by some hot yoga instructor who would cook me awesome vegetarian food.
Where does a single, lonely, healthy, relatively well-adjusted lady find a man now?  If friends aren’t setting you up?  And there is no one interesting at work?  And no one has picked you up in the Whole Foods produce department…then your best choice really boils down to internet dating.

When I first got out of my marriage I was confused about how to meet people and I was very very very horny.  I even started with a Craigslist personal. I always had luck finding furniture, so maybe I’d have the same odds finding a man.
I found two well written and very sexy posts there, and replied with well crafted and insightful manifestos.  Unfortunately, I got the same weird Christian conservative message back from both.  That felt like a really really bad omen for me. (I say this, but my friend met her wife there…so maybe it’s a good place for lesbians?)

Then I did what I think most people do, I joined Match.com.  It was a desperate moment.  It was Friday night.  I just ate an entire Pizza by myself.  And more than anything, I just wanted human companionship.

I didn’t, however, know the rules of internet dating.
But like carbs, I just couldn’t stay away.  There were mountains of men.  Mountains of men.  It was just like the buffet line at college where I immediately gained 15 pounds just standing there looking at all my choices.
Most importantly maybe, I didn’t have to go to a smelly loud bar. And I could read their thoughts before meeting them.  And I could see (in theory) recent photos of them before even striking up a conversation.  And even if I didn’t email anyone, I got to spend an evening kinda communing with other souls just looking for connection.

The problem was, I was terrible at it.  Why though?  I used to be crafty, tricky.  I used to snare the one I want and make it last until it was dead.  I used to be witty and cute and fun. But I couldn’t even get a guy to email me back.  And if they did, I couldn’t get them to meet me.  Or even better, I was getting unsolicited emails from men telling me I had a nice rack.  (Which I do…but that won’t score you a date with me.)

Well I’m happy to say, no thrilled to announce I cracked the code.  I figured it all out.  I now have that guy who I did in fact meet online and do intend to keep…

frogprince
And he’s not who I thought he’d be.  And it happened almost like a dream, but not the Hollywood kind.  And there is a magic to it like those who find their mates in high school and have a white picket fence and 2.4 kids.  But mine comes with a life full of experiences.  My Ah Ha comes with the magic of living life to the fullest and finding out who I am.  Finding out what I need.  And I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
I’m not alone in this miracle of self un-earthing.  Thousands of us are getting an opportunity in our thirties and forties and fifties and even sixties and beyond to finally get to the root of who we are and what we want in partnership for ourselves.
And it’s fucking brilliant.
So for you, sweet friends, I thought I would look back at the evolution of what would over a few years become my unintended expertise…internet dating.  Because I KNOW you can do it, and do it well.  I know you can find what you may not even know you are looking for yet.  And I have the tools for you to make it happen.

And maybe you are like me and wish you had a little structure, a little guidance, a little insight before blundering through this whole thing alone.  And maybe you just got out of a 10 or 20 or 30-year relationship and you are thinking, “What the fuck am I going to do now?”

Or maybe like me, you just aren’t having luck and you want to turn the tables and start getting multiple dates a week, perhaps even a line waiting for you.  Maybe you are ready to start meeting real quality matches!
Well, sit tight ladies.  Help is here.  I know by tonight you can be well on your way to a different and very pleasurable internet dating experience!
Internet datingMy book will be available electronically on Amazon and iTunes and all e-readers within the next month!  I will keep you posted and be asking for your support in not only sharing the word, but also writing reviews!

This was simply a little foreplay to get you interested….

 

 

Letting Go versus Giving Up

This lifetime I’m not a mom.

I always thought I would be.  I thought I’d have a daughter and I would give her all the love and confidence and joy that I had within me.

I took care of all my stuffed animals with love and mother-like pride.  Barbie, Skipper and Ken were always put away neatly in their little comfortable nooks and crannies.

I always knew deep in my bones that one day someone would call me mom.

And this weekend something shifted.  Something in my heart changed shape and a deep knowingness opened up.

This weekend I realized with immense sadness that won’t be happening. And the sadness wasn’t so much that I couldn’t be a mom, as it was that it’s the choice I’m making because I don’t think it’s part of my dream anymore.

I think I’ve known this was coming.  I think in my soul I know I’ve had beautiful children in many lifetimes before.  That this lifetime was about my spiritual growth.

But something inside me has shifted.  And I realize that I have come to like the idea of alone time.  Of sleeping in.  Of my life being on my time.  I love my freedom.

And that is so very sad.  Just recognizing this.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t have a partner and I thought I would have to give up my dream.  That I either had to go turkey baster style or just throw in the cards.  And that terrified me.  And there was a hopelessness about it.

But then I met M and we decided we would adopt.  And I have been holding space for that.  But I was sitting at dinner Friday and tears just started to stream down my face and they haven’t really stopped yet because something entirely different happened.

I could feel me letting go of my dream.

I could feel this idea that maybe this lifetime isn’t about having my own kids, but enjoying other people’s.  That there weren’t going to be any spelling bees or soccer games or kids pizza and slumber parties.  No roller skating.  No buying cute dresses and doing her hair and talking about sex and menstruation and love and buddha and nature and stillness.  No baby yoga and baby legs and first words and steps and the delicate snoring and mirthful laughter and impromptu ice cream raids and ballet lessons and trips to the zoo and photos everywhere we go.  No English papers and history assignments and math tutors and first boyfriends or girlfriends and vacations and learning to swim and connection and snuggling and birthday parties and learning to ride a bike.  No playing in the snow and learning to ski and speaking foreign languages and nurturing everything that grows in her.  Making her know deep in her bones how amazingly unique and wonderful she is.

And where do I put all that?  All these years of making space for this being who I would nurture and love?  How do I make my heart and ears stop craving hearing her calling me from across the room?

And here it is.  Mother’s Day.  And Facebook is so beautiful yet it’s like walking the gauntlet.  And tears threaten to fall at the slightest reunion of Mother and Daughter caught on film, the sun highlighting the similarities in their smiles.

And it’s hard not to feel less than.  Less than complete.

My mom told me today that if she was of this generation and had a choice as to weather to have kids or not, she may not have.  She just didn’t have a choice.  And she told me I didn’t need to have kids, and maybe I am here this time to work on myself.  And maybe it’s selfish to have kids when you can’t afford them, or don’t have the time to love them…it’s not selfish to make the choice not to.

So I send all my love out to the energy of my daughter who will never be and pray she forgives me for not pulling her in this lifetime.  And I hope and pray I’m making the right decision.  And I will breathe through this like I breathe through everything and I’m sure slowly the sadness will be eclipsed with a new project for myself or a new healing technique for those I touch.

And even owning this on the blog makes me feel more human, more connected to the thoughts and feelings because I’m sure I’m not alone in this conundrum.  Half of my girlfriends don’t have kids and have chosen not to.  One of my friends mentioned it makes us “interesting” because we have the time to develop ourselves.

And I don’t know how this will end…but I did make a rhubarb strawberry crisp with fresh rhubarb from my yard…so I bet that’s a great place to start.

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who has ever held compassionate space for another and allowed them the freedom to grow and change and become who they are.  We definitely need and appreciate all you have to offer the world!

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

New Moon in Taurus? Eclipse? Bring it.

I’m horny.

For life.  For lovin. For fresh food.  For dance.  For movement. For change!

I follow astrology a little.  I always forget everything I read though.  A friend told me that I was an astrologer for many lifetimes and I wanted to make sure I didn’t do it this life time.

OK.  Sounds plausible enough to me.

But I do pay attention when we have these super moons that are supposed to open up portals into the great hereafter and rocket my life into a new gear.

Don’t you?

Two weeks ago we had a hugely powerful moon in Scorpio with a Lunar eclipse. It was bad ass.  Did you see it?  It cracked open the heavens and out poured this strength that went deep into our bones and kicked out all those fears we accumulated in our lifetime.

You may have experienced  it as remembering something you really really really wanted to do but were to chicken shit to follow through with.

Ah, yes…that’s what I’m talking about.

For me it was this book.  This book I wrote that has been sitting on my computer and getting cyber dust.  And in a flash, I remembered it.  I enlisted some editing help and with any luck I’m uploading it on bookbaby this Sunday.

Yes.  That’s a two week turnaround!  Am I proud of myself?  Do babies giggles melt your heart?

What’s yours?  It lit up, you know it did.  An exercise program you were meaning to start?  The job you meant to apply for years ago that suddenly is available again?  The relationship you have wanted for years…lusting after this person and touching yourself raw thinking about them….?

What is it?

Well..at 8:30 tonight this New Moon in Taurus strikes and it’s on board with your ascention.  It’s not a normal New Moon that’s about starting over…no it’s adding one final boost…one final piece in the pie that will let you move into that thing you desire!

But it takes BALLS folks!  Balls.  Not the ball bearings of Fletch but the deep down fire-ey juices that live inside you and push you forward and want to hump a strangers legs.  YES!  That fire.

And YES!  You have it.  We all do.  It may be covered over with years of deaf ears and poor choices and disappointment…but it’s there.  And this is the time to reach in and pull it out!

Will you hear the call?  Will you mount the thing you want and take it already?

Will you let the fear that’s been stopping you go and trust that all the signs and all the power pulling you in this direction is ACTUALLY for YOU?

The universe is opening up to you and letting you into the buffet line ahead of everyone else.  Are you really going to be the schmo that passes that shit up?

I think not.

So if you don’t know what I’m talking about and you think you haven’t been called… I think you should sit still for a second and see what pops into your bean.  Then find that courage that lurks inside and take a step.  Your courage will be wildly rewarded here in the next few weeks.

At least that’s what astrologers say.

And who am I to argue with them?

Happy soul expansion and I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get my book up and I’ll tell you all about it when it’s done! My fear is quickly turning into some serious ether’s that are dissipating and the need to hump a strangers leg is growing….should be a fun few weeks!

ascention rough

ascention rough (Photo credit: nikki birdflu)

Relax your way to Enlightenment

Do you know that Buddhist temples have stairways up to them?  And these stairways are created to kind of mimic your path of evolvement spiritually?  They start shallow and easy to climb and as you progress towards the temple they get deeper and shallower and much more difficult, in that you have to really be purposeful in your steps.

This is brilliant.

I want a Buddhist temple…and I want it to show me which step I’m on.  You do too….admit it.  And I want to know if it moves backward as easily as it moves forward.  I want a clear indicator that what I’m doing is pushing me forward in life.  Don’t you?

I mean it’s clear if we let people into traffic, and chase the guy down the street who dropped a dollar so we can return it, and pick up trash we come across that we are doing good…but are we doing GOOD…as in…would we be a little further up the temple stairs?  Or just a good human being?

And then it comes to me?  What the hell am I wasting brain space about this for?  I have an internal sensor inside me, and you have one inside of you.  And when I am happy I feel lit.  When I’m having connected conversations I feel it.  When I’m opening to ideas and getting them in a core way, I get it.  And when I’m choosing poorly…oh man…I get that too.  I get little warnings, then little pleadings…then depending on how bad my choice is…a host of other corrections.

And the truth is, the more relaxed I am in my body, and and in my mind, and in my spirit…the quicker I get to react to these warning signs.

So what it really boils down to is this:  If I am relaxed: in my body, mind, and spirit…then I will have greater opportunities to move up the proverbial temple stairs of my life.

So what’s stopping me from relaxing?  Lack of self care?  Not enough time?  Not enough money?  Not enough done?  Not enough…

I look at this list and say out loud to you Phooey.  That’s right, phooey.  No Phooey…with a Capital P.

What’s more important in life?  Ignoring the things that bring us towards the most desired peace and bliss available to us on this beautiful planet?  Or worrying about something that may or may not happen?

I hope you’re with me…and I agree…this is hard shit.  But the more we put our mind where we want it…the easier it becomes to attain these very difficult concepts.

And I don’t know about you, but I want to keep traipsing up this staircase of ah-ha’s with ease and grace and purpose and clarity and love for not only myself but for all people and things.

So I think I’ll just focus on that.

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What exactly is a Soul Mate?

That is a f@4k of a lot of expectation to put on someone, that’s what it is.

And it seems we are all looking for ours now.

And the last time I checked there was really NO way to know for certain if this person was sent here by the spirits above to be your one and only mate for all of time.

And yet that’s what we keep waiting for.  This “soulmate” that someone like Tom Cruise so infamously said “completes us.”

Does this sound like a load of horse shit created by someone who can sell a lot of stuff by people buying into it to anyone else?

And mind you.  I’m in a really beautiful relationship…have been in many wonderful relationships in my life…but if I had to hold out hope that this one is my soul-mate…I just feel like I would be putting a question out there that can’t be answered and be totally disappointed at every turn.

Not to mention, does that mean I made mistakes all along the way with my choices?

OH, you can’t read my mind, you must not be my soul-mate.

Oh, we actually disagree about things, you must not be my soul-mate.

Oh you like to lean your head to the left when we kiss and so do I, you must not be my soul-mate.

I bring this up because someone recently asked me if my partner was my soul-mate, and I just looked at them with this face that I hope read, are you completely out of your mind right now?

I know I write a lot of woo-woo posts, and so you think I would be the first person on board with this soul-mate concept, but I have been living in this human incarnation for 40 years and let me tell you this.  Every person I come in contact with has a lesson to teach me.

Every person I enter into relationship with: Either physical or non-physical, changes me in some way.

And if that isn’t giving me a soul part…then I don’t know what is.  If that isn’t a “soul mate” then who is?

How can there be just one?

I fall in love with 30 people a day.

30!

I see someone doing something beautiful and I’m in love.

Someone can hold with me in a great round of banter and I’m in love!

Someone bakes me something…well, I mean at a store…and I buy it…and I sink into the doughy buttery-ness of it…and let me tell you, I’m in love.

Folks, Goat Butter…Seriously in love.

Trees!  LoVe!

Blooming flowers!!!!  Holy cow am I in Love!

Clearly it’s a different type of love then I share with my intimate friends.  But since I am not moved by all people, I am left to assume that the ones that move me are soul-parts, soul-mates, soul-friends.

Why would I want just one?

Doesn’t that seem at all limiting to you?

I feel better.  I think you agree.

Let me be honest.  There was a period in my life, after my divorce, where I wrote a list of EXACTLY who MY GUY was and put it on my altar.  And there it sat.  And after a date I would open it up and see if they were “my list.”  And you know what?  They weren’t.

Even if they were missing like 2 of the 50 things I would say…but I couldn’t live without someone making me laugh!

Did I give them a chance to make me laugh?  Probably not.

And when I threw my list away and dated for the sake of meeting fellow human beings looking for love…I started finding that perhaps what I thought I wanted wasn’t even true.  And that what I wanted and craved was human connection.  And even the coffee breaks with strangers filled my soul with a fullness that was SO much more then sitting and staring at my list of “who my soul mate is.”

So all this is to say.  I think that hollywood and the Secret and other folks trying to sell you a miracle cure and ageless tonics made out of snake oil…are distracting you from the truth that love is everywhere….and the more chances you take loving others and the more opportunity you give people to love you back…the closer you will find yourself with the romantic love you desire.

So perhaps stop limiting yourself to the idea of just one soulmate…and see what you catch when experiencing life to it’s fullest!  Find love in a glance, in a conversation, in goat butter.

It makes life super shiney!

From one of your soulmates…..sending you oodles and oodles of love….you had me at Hello.

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